Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I took forever

I finally got my period this weekend. It's been like two months since I've seen it. I was beginning to think that I'd need to start buying matertnity clothes again. But, thank god, I don't. Because I'd have surely killed myself by now, and the zero readers that I have would have definitely noticed.

Anyway, I got the opportunity to finally use my new Keeper cup. It is great!!!!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Throwing Tantrums, Maybe.................

I thought yesterday night would be a good opportunity to get drunk and sit around the house with Daryl. Oh, how wrong I was! The getting drunk part worked out fine, but the sitting around, forget about it. Ten minutes after I started drinking, I heard the baby monitor. Donny decided that even though I had just nurse him, he was hungry. So, we made him a bottle and he went back to sleep. Two seconds later, I hear him coughing up a storm. So I go to cuddle with him, but he wanted me to hold him. I held him for about a minute, got scared, and decided that I'd prefer for Daryl to hold him.

Why was I scared?? Good question. Well last month, March 1st to be exact, I had to go to work and Donny was kinda sick. So we decided that he should go to the hospital. But, seeing as I had to be to work, we only had 1 car seat, and my aunt doesn't drive babies minus car seats, I had to take Damian to work with me. So, I called my job, told them that I was running late, but still coming in (if I wasn't absolutely needed, I would so have not come in). So, I arrive to work an hour late, and Baggy Eyes has something to say about it. "You really can't come in this late to work, you're supposed to be in before the patients, blah blah blah." No thought crossed her mind to ask me why I was extremely late, with child in tow (This has nothing to do with why I was scare to hold the baby, but my blog, i can bitch as I please). By the time that I actually had work to do, my aunt came by with the car seat, and picked up my Damian. When I was almost finished with the interview(survey) that I had to do, Baggy Eyes comes into the room, asks me if I'm almost done, then tells me that they're going to keep the baby in the hospital. In front of the patient!!

After I leave work, my extremely nice aunt gives me and Damian a ride up to the hospital. Daryl stays for a bit longer, then he takes Damian home, and I take over there. Later that night around 8 or 9pm, Donny starts to cough and cry, I'm thinking that he's hungry, so I try to nurse him. But, he's actually crying because he's having trouble breathing. So, after I notice this, I tell the nurse(nurse1) who is already in the room feeding the other baby that was in there. She puts the baby down, and comes to check his monitor. The oxygen percentage is down to 80, supposed to be 100. She goes to get another pulse-ox monitor, to be sure that one isn't broken, and calls in another nurse(nurse 2). They use the other one and it says the same thing, that the oxygen level is going down. But, all this time, I'm holding him and I notice it going down and down, 75, 73, 68..... I can feel him barely breathing in my arms, and his little body is going so limp. Then nurse1 takes him, and she can feel that the monitor is right, immediately. Nurse2 called his doctor, who is all of the way across the hospital on another floor. By this time his monitor is 45, 43, 37....... Nurse1 goes into the hallway and calls in all of these doctors that were there. They put him on a nebulizer, which helped immediately, and his doctor came back soon after that. They gave him some steroids, and had him transferred to intensive care, where he stayed for a few days, then came home. Of course, I stayed with him in the hospital and missed two days of work. Baggy Eyes' comment, see here.

Now, anytime that I am intoxicated, I can't really get a good feel on his body. This leads me to feel scared that he may not be breathing, and I wouldn't notice. His father thinks that he knows that I wouldn't ignore his cries, and takes advantage of it. I don't know if this is true, it's of course possible, but I like to think the best of my baby. Which is that he's greedy and doesn't know anything about giving me, "me" time. But, at least then he's not playing with me like a doll.

Friday, April 18, 2008

I want food!!

So, yesterday I came home from work to find my house all messy and my babies hungry. What was their daddy doing? Playing the video game. I needed him to put the laundry in bags so that I could go do the laundry. Instead, he was betting money that he didn't have playing the fuckin video game. I was so disgusted. So I went into the extremely messy bedroom to nurse the Donny. After I come out, I find out that his nephew left, and didn't leave the laundry card that he was going to let us borrow. But, he said he was coming back (didn't happen).

Then, my friend Nicey was supposed to come over to take the kids to the playground to play. But, since I get out of work at 5, and don't get home until 6. She was like that's too late to go out with the kids. But, I was like dude, it's still light outside, and will be until like 8. But, oh well.

So, last night we were going to order some food. But, when we told that place we wanted to use our card, they were like "hold on", and hung up. So, we naturally assumed that they were assholes, and decided to make our own food. But, half way through the food, the doorbell rings(WTF??). Daryl goes to answer the doo and it is, (like you don't know) the delivery guy. So we tell him what happened, and he's all (blah blah blah) "well you can call them and tell them the number and you can take the food and i'll come back for you to sign and Please tak e the food". And we basically closed the door and threw out the pizza menu for that place, because I don't want bitter (spit in) food later, because they made the food and we didn't take it.

Was I wrong?

Thursday, April 17, 2008


I feel so horrible. When I go out of the house, I feel like shit. I used to feel so beautiful. But now, I have no idea why I feel so horrible.

After I had Donny, I still felt good until I started to work. I just feel the need to drink smoke and do whatever I can to make the time go faster. These past few days, I actually got hit on by a few guys. This made me feel better. But, I still don't feel right.

I used to have the sex drive of a frickin bunny. Now, I feel like I could go on forever without sex. I don't want it, don't need it. I couldn't care less about it, and that's weird. I wish I could just hit a switch and make it better. But, unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Oh Well!!!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Very very baggy eyes........

Well, today, my husband (boyfriend, or fiance depending on how I feel) called me and was like, "I am so mad at you!" So, I'm just like "OK, why?" Turns out that I left the baby's milk in the fridge when I took him to daycare today. He was there crying for hours, and he wouldn't take the formula that I bought for occasions that they run out of milk. So Daryl had to go running up there to take the milk. But, he just ended up taking them home.

While all of that was going on, I was sitting at work with my seriously annoying co worker, Baggy eyes. She is constantly talking about our other coworkers behind their backs and smiling in their faces like nothing is wrong. I call out of work for 2 days, because my youngest son was in the hospital. When I cam back to work. She says "Oh, you screwed yourself out of overtime pay", which is fine. But, after I said "Whatever!", she wonders out loud why I act like I just don't care. It makes no sense to me, to be angry about not getting overtime, when I am in the hospital with my baby. I'm just happy that he's alive and well.

So, today she thought that it was her job to make sure to check up on my responsibilities, before I get to work. Then she proceeded to dictate to me how to do my job. She is not my supervisor, I haven't been falling behind, I don't need help. All that is doing is just pissing me off. Thank the lord she left early today. Not before she decided that it was appropriate to ask me if I feel like I ruined my life by having kids so early. She thinks I should be able to do what I want at my age. I think, it's none of her damn business what I do with my life. But, that's nosy annoying people for you.

This is the beginning.........

Ok, so this is my first post as I am sure you can see. I don't want to start of with my biography because that seems so cliche. So, if you keep reading you will learn about me, my life, and my kids.

I've decided to start writing a blog because I'm very depressed, and I don't want to pay a psychologist every week to just listen to me rant, when I can have the internet do it for free. Maybe, if I'm lucky, someone will give me some good advice that will forever end my depression. But, until then, you can read about why I feel down.